


Swear Jar

by mothteeth



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff, Gen, Swearing, a lot of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 03:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16360295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothteeth/pseuds/mothteeth
Summary: The kids are coming in a couple weeks and you have the foulest mouth on earth. To try to get you to stop that, Stan establishes a swear jar. A quarter a pop. You’re going to need more quarters.





	Swear Jar

You’re sitting at the kitchen table over a bowl of cheerios when Stan walks in. “Morning,” you give a little wave before going back to eating. He grabs a mug of coffee and sits across from you. 

“Morning. Glad you’re here. We gotta talk.” 

“Alright, shoot.” You’re nervous, but you know that’s silly. 

“You know the kids are coming up for spring break, and, honestly, you need to watch your mouth. We don’t need a repeat of last time.” You wince as you remember. Last time they were up around winter break, you’d casually dropped a “fuck” in conversation right in front of Mabel. It wasn’t pretty, and Stan was less than pleased. 

“I know I know. I’ll do my best to keep it clean, I promise.” 

“I trust ya, but I have a better idea.” He pulls out a jar that already has a patch of duct tape with the words “SWEAR JAR” in red permanent marker. “Here’s the deal, babe; every swear is 25 cents. If you can manage to stop swearing before the kids get here, we’ll have a date night. Your choice.” 

“You’re fucking with me, right?” 

“Nope. And that’s 25 cents.” 

“Shit.” 

“That too.” he pushes the jar towards you. You grumble, but get up to grab your wallet. You’re going to need way more quarters. Instead of grabbing for change, you pull out a couple 20s. 

“Got any rolls of quarters?” Stan grins and gets up to go grab them, swiping the 20s from your hand. 

So far, so good. You probably only have like $3 in the jar. Unfortunately, it's only been two hours. It’s a lot harder than you had thought it would be to make sure you’re being child appropriate. You’ve caught yourself a couple times though, looking up at Stan at the last minute before letting another one fly. Nothing has even happened yet. This is just from casual conversation. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. 

“So then, this crazy fuckin’... ah hell,” you toss a quarter in the jar. 

“One more.” Stan holds the jar towards you.

“Hell counts?! Come on, you’re killing me!” 

“Yep. Now put in another two quarters.” You comply and he hugs you with one arm. “Don’t worry, sugar, it gets easier.” 

“Fuck you.” and you put one more quarter into the jar as Stan laughs.

Traffic is a nightmare as you drive towards the drugstore. Why do you need to pick up your meds right now? You get cut off and the road rage is imminent “Hey, ya goddamn moron! Use ya fuckin’ blinka!” Stan’s losing his mind laughing. Not only are you cursing like nobody’s business, your accent is out in full force. You’re not all that close to the store, so at this point, you cut your losses and just give Stan a roll. It’s easier this way. You did the same thing earlier when you caught a side table right in the hip when you were walking by. It’s been a long day. 

It’s been a couple days without major incident. You did fill one jar already. That took about a day and a half, but the second one is much slower to fill. It’s about a third full after 3 days. You’ve had to get creative, yelling things like “you absolute tablespoon” and “son of a sea slug” to try to keep yourself from actually cursing, but it’s working! You still have a week to go. As long as nothing bad happens, you don’t injure yourself, and you don’t drive at all, everything is going to be fine. 

Stan has “important errands” to run, so you enjoy the chance to relax and hang out with Ford without the imminent threat of bankruptcy. “This week has been fuckin’ ridiculous. I’m glad I have some time to relax.” 

“About that...” he holds up the jar. 

“Et tu, Stanford?” Your look of betrayal must be spectacular. 

“Sorry, ____. It’s for the good of the kids.” You begrudgingly put a quarter in the jar, making a note to make him pay for this later. 

The kids are on a bus to Gravity Falls right now, and you haven’t sworn in three whole days. Not even the little ones! “Pay up, Stanley! I haven’t sworn in three days!” you put your hands on your hips triumphantly. 

“Alright alright, you win. What kind of a date do you want? You have about” he looks at the jars of quarters (two and a half) and looks back at you “I’d say a hundred bucks to spend.” Holy crow that’s a lot of swearing. It was a couple weeks but... yikes. 

“As long as we’re together, any date would be perfect.” You pull him close. “Let’s rent a movie and stay in tonight.” 

“You don’t want to go out or anything?” 

“Nah. I just want to spend time with you.” You kiss his cheek. You can feel the blush coming to his face. He’s too cute. 

When the kids finally get to the Shack, you’re practically bursting with excitement! “_____!” Mabel shouts before launching herself at you. You’re nearly knocked off your feet. She’s stronger than she looks. Dipper is a bit more reserved about it, and gives you a high five. “Hey, ______.” 

“I missed you guys! How is everything? Anything interesting going on at school?” You barely manage to finish talking before Mabel starts to describe their school escapades and her recent crushes in excruciating detail. Ah to be young. You’d almost forgotten how nice it is to have them around. 

After a couple hours of catching up and being forced into a sweater that might actually be more glitter than yarn, you manage to get everyone, even Ford, to get into the car to hit the nearest Redbox. You figure everyone picks a movie (god knows you can afford a few rentals) and you and Stan can watch yours once the kids go to bed. Ford declines his pick, but seems pretty excited about Dipper’s pick. “There are how many Star Wars movies now?” he asks incredulously as Dipper picks one of the newer ones. Mabel, of course, picks something with talking animals and scenery so saturated it's hard to look at. Stan gives you a nudge, “You won, you can pick.” 

“What did you win?” Mabel asks innocently. 

“Nothing, pumpkin. Don’t worry about it.” Stan saves you the embarrassment of answering. 

“Oh! The Green Mile! We haven’t actually finished it yet! Worth another shot.” you press the screen for your pick. Stan pulls out a jar of quarters and starts feeding them into the machine. Jerk. 

“Grunkle Stan, why do you have so many quarters?” 

“I stole ‘em from a wishing well.” he says with a convincing poker face. You’d believe it if you didn’t know the truth. Mabel’s silence seems to point to her believing it as well. 

After a very close two out of three in rock paper scissors, Mabel gets to put on her movie first. It’s not bad. You love kids movies most of the time anyway, and it's cute and catchy. It’s painfully bright and cheery, but it’s sweet. During the movie you get up to grab a blanket and make some popcorn and settle in next to Stan and put the blanket over the two of you. The kids immediately claim the bowl of popcorn, but there’s plenty more where that came from. You snuggle closer to Stan as he puts his arm around you. He’s so warm and he smells like aftershave and woodsmoke. It’s a smell you’ve gotten used to, but it always has the same effect: making you feel safe and loved. 

Thankfully Mabel’s movie does eventually end. Next is the Star Wars movie. You don’t know which one. You’re not super invested in the franchise. Besides, Ford and Dipper spend the whole thing talking about scientific errors and different aspects of the lore. It’s too much, and you actually doze off on Stan’s chest. You’re just so cozy. You don’t manage to sleep long before Ford shouts something about the ending of the movie. No worries, that means the kids are going to bed and hopefully Ford knows enough about taking a hint to retire to his room for the night. 

After a few goodnight hugs and wishes for sweet dreams, you grab the DVD to put it into the player. While you’re fussing with the DVD player, Stan goes to make another bowl of popcorn. He comes back a few minutes later with a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of wine. He hands both to you before sitting back on the couch. You immediately settle back in snuggled up close to him. “You forgot glasses.” 

“Nah. Who needs ‘em?” he chuckles and unscrews the cap. Real fancy. You giggle and take the bottle from his hands as he goes to take a swig. You take the first sip. It’s not bad for what assume is bargain bin rosé. You hand him the bottle as you swallow, licking your lips for the tiny bit that missed your mouth while you were messing around. Stan watches you closely before taking a swig himself. You grab it for one more sip before recapping it and setting it down on the floor. 

The two of you sit for a while and watch the movie, occasionally feeding each other a piece of popcorn or making a witty comment. It’s painfully sweet. After a while though, Stan tosses up a piece of popcorn and catches it in his mouth. Impressive. You do the same, catching the popcorn in your mouth. Stan holds up a piece of popcorn, and you expect him to feed it to you, but when you lean in to take it from his fingers, his lips meet yours instead. He’s salty and a little slick from the butter but it’s so good. The hand that isn’t around you tangles in your hair as you kiss. Your hand comes up to cup his cheek as you gently lick his lower lip. He parts his lips and your tongue probes his mouth. The salt and butter is stronger, and there’s a slight tinge of wine. He might be the best thing you’ve ever tasted. 

You’re both jarred from your embrace by the menu playing loudly from the TV. The movie is over. Shit. That’s like the 10th time you’ve rented it! How does this keep happening? “Whoops. That’s what, the eighth time we’ve tried to watch this?” 

“Eleventh, by my count.” Ford chimes in from the kitchen. You cover your face with the blanket, mortified by the thought of him even hearing you two making out. “If you could keep your hands to yourself for 15 minutes you might finish it.” Ford’s voice is light and you can almost hear the smirk on his face. “Just buy the damn movie,” Ford finishes. 

“Can it, Poindexter. And you owe me a quarter!” Stan shouts, trying to unearth you from the blanket. You hold fast, but he kisses your fingertips peeking out from the top and you can’t resist that. You pull the blanket back down and kiss him again. 

“He’s right. I’m sorry, honey.” you apologize, a little guilty for making him waste the money on rentals 

“You’re worth renting the same movie a thousand times, sugar. Besides, I’m pretty sure we have enough in quarters to rent it for the next year.” Stan laughs, and you shove him with your free hand. He kisses you again and all is forgiven. Eh. You’ll finish it someday... probably.

**Author's Note:**

> I curse like a sailor and thought this was cute. Thanks to my buddy Sirkka for helping me flesh this out! And generally for being awesome.


End file.
